The Unabomber (unabomber) wrote,
The Unabomber
unabomber

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Cyclotrimethylenetrinitramine is not a flower

I didn't mention it in my manifesto, but I hate weddings. Maybe this is obvious, seeing as I lived in a shack with no running water in the middle of Montana for a while, but I should further reiterate at some point why the idea of $40,000 of catering for $10,000 in shitty gifts seems like a losing proposition. Anyway, I hate people who spend inane amounts of money on weddings, I hate people who spend years planning weddings, and most of all, I hate people who get married and have children who, ten years later, buy these stupid fucking fold-up scooters I keep colliding with all over the city. Does anyone know who invented those, and if they have a street address, so I can "send them a book they need to read," if you know what I mean? Fuck!

Okay, I won't get into the wedding thing because it is still World Series week and I have a lot of other things to bitch about. Unlike people who hate things because their upbringing or their bible tell them to, I have a huge list of targets, I mean gripes, and maybe I will post them in the future. For now, I will focus on one stream of extreme hatred also known as VH-1.

I've got a TV. I'll admit it. I'm anti-technology and all, but I really like my DVD player, and nothing beats VHS for the occasional pornography marathon. But I won't pay those bastards at Time-Warner for their mind control. I will, however, hook up the cable anyway, just to see if I'm somehow getting latent signals from my neighbors through the 200 year old cable system. So I am getting like 7 channels. Five of them are Queens public access, which is mostly religious bullshit. I also get the TNN network, which isn't bad, but since they replaced ECW wrestling with that pussy WWF stuff, well - let's just say the president of Viacom better not open his own mail, unless he wants his wife opening the ketchup bottle from now on. That leaves VH-1, which is basically MTV on a heavy dose of Quaaludes.

First off, how many fucking times is VH-1 going to show that unauthorized movie on the Jackson family? During primetime, these jerkoffs are airing a movie most people wouldn't watch for free in 1983 during the beat-it heydey. Next, they spend an entire weekend kissing Vogue's ass with recycled recycled content on their stupid show. They were doing pop-up videos on the presentation of fake awards. And why are we supposed to think that everything Madonna does is groundbreaking? Her new video is a warmed-over ripoff of Kid Rock, and he wasn't exactly original in the first place with his white-boy, white-trash rap thing anyway. And why is Lenny Kravitz on that channel constantly? What has he done in the last five years, except model clothes from the Gap in his cookiecutter videos? I hate how MTV and VH-1 parade the same bullshit over and over and make people stuck in the Midwest think it's the latest trend. If you live in Nebraska and you think every one in New York is dressing like Faith Hill this week, do us both a favor, check out a copy of the Anarchist's Cookbook, and look into tamper-fused nitro-carbo-nitrates.

I liked the Behind the Music on Ice-T though. He's pretty funny.

Okay, I have some Potassium nitroaminotetrazole going in the oven, and I want to read a few more chapters of this Mick Foley book. I especially liked the part about the exploding ring match, but you know me.
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