The Unabomber (unabomber) wrote,
The Unabomber

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We shall fight in the streets (because the sidewalks are filled with those damn scooters)

So I'm watching Friends and reading The Poor Man's James Bond, and I suddenly remember: I have an extreme hatred for UPS, and I would love nothing more than to see a show like Survivor, except every UPS employee is on an island, and I'm shelling it with the 16 inch artillery cannon on the USS Iowa. After the triple-turret MK-7 406mm cannon have hurled tons of explosives onto the beach and I've launched all 32 of the Tomahawk cruise missiles at elevated points, killing most of the higher level executives, we starve the remaining people for two weeks, until they have to resort to cannibalism to survive. Then I fly over in a helicopter every day and tell them that food is on the way via UPS GroundTrak, and I never feed them. On the seventh day, I strafe the beaches, launch rockets at the survivors, and then land, with buckets of fried chicken and a cooler of ice cold beer. As the remaining employees run to greet me, I beat them to death with one of those brown clipboard computer things. Then Regis Philbin shows up to interview me on prime-time TV, and I shove the clipboard up his ass.

Okay, so I have issues with UPS. I also have issues with almost every other corporation, person, or place out there. I should just post the short list of people and things that don't piss me off, and call it a day. But it's much easier to keep this running commentary on livejournal. (And don't think I'm not pissed at them - when the hell are you guys going to upgrade servers?)

Like many of you, I hate a lot. And I hate nothing more than Ally McBeal. That says a lot, considering the amount of extreme, white-hot ill-will I have for most things technical and non-technical. But this anorexic little bitch bothers me on far too many levels. First of all, I don't watch her show. I don't have to because 12 million people within a one mile radius LIVE that show. So any time I want to see Ally McBeal, I just leave the house. New York has more women with eating disorders than Ethiopia. I personally like mine with a little meat on the bones (but don't get me started on that big-ass Jennifer Lopez - maybe next entry) Anyway, this rail-thin bitch teaches women that it's okay to be mentally retarded, that there is a lot of money and prestige into getting through law school, and that weighing 57 pounds is beautiful. The answer to all three of those is false, if you didn't already know. And whenever the ratings start to go into the shitter, they have her lez out with that "I'm an Asian bitch and that's in right now" bitch they have on the show to be affirmitive action. It's a crock, and everyone worships it, and someday somebody other than their screenwriters will deliver a bomb to their office.

Did I mention yet that I hate UPS? Oh yeah, I did.

So the Playstation 2 came out today, yet another piece of technology to warp the minds of those who would rather be controlled by evil corporations than enjoy life. Okay, so I'm pissed that I didn't get one. I was sort of hoping that the riots from the Playstation thing would meld with the riots from the World Series, and I'd sit on top of my building like Charlie Whitman and pick off looters with my AR-15. I'm not saying that I would take the law into my own hands or anything - I just want to shoot my neighbors. Anyway, I have heard stories about the Playstation 2s going for over a grand on eBay, which is just retarded. I think anyone who pays over $1000 for one of these things should be summarily executed. Bush and Gore are debating about how to increase test scores in schools - I've just given you a solution.

I should write some huge diatribe about my political beliefs, since the election is coming up. But I'm tired, and I want to download some pornography before bed. I know I should be preaching hard on the anti-technology front, but when you have a high-speed connection and a good server that carries - well, some things take priority.

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